Friday, May 15, 2009

I Am So Very, VERY Wrong

I am having bad thoughts. Thinking naughty things. Selfish things. Completely morally corrupt things.

Maybe not completely morally corrupt, but close enough.

I am thinking of doing something I've never done before. Something so bad, it makes me cringe inside. Just thinking about it makes me feel incredibly guilty and hypocritical. But then I think, fuck it! I'm going to do it anyway!

I could be building this up in my head to be a bigger thing than what it really is. I have bigger thing building issues. Maybe it's not that bad at all.

Maybe it's completely innocent!

And I'm completely innocent! Everything I say and do comes from love and smells like roses!

So what if I happen to introduce two people at a little get-together, hoping they might hit it off?

So what if one of them happens to be my very bestest friend in the whole wide world who moved away to Texas a year and a half ago leaving me alone and bereft in the world and if she met Kevin's hot friend with the big penis might move back to Arkansas while her current man with the small penis who doesn't appreciate her stays behind in Texas and we could all be one big happy family up here frolicking through the woods singing songs and holding hands?

Is that so wrong?

I shouldn't look at it as though I'm breaking up one relationship, but rather helping another.

My own. Because if I don't get some friends in my life, and soon, I'm going to have to kill Kevin and then where will our relationship be? Hmmm? See my point? Murdering your spouse doesn't usually bode well for the future of your marriage, now does it?

But if my wonderful, awesome, sweet and funny friend met someone and moved back here and she was happy, and Kevin's friend was happy, then I'd be happy, and thus Kevin would be happy because he doesn't get annihilated.

Sounds good right?

The only person not happy in that scenario is my friend's current short-dick man, but really, I mean REALLY, how long is a woman supposed to go on in life putting aside her own happiness in order to stay loyal to a man who puts forth no effort into their relationship? Doesn't even try.

I feel bad for the guy, but come on already! By my figuring, if things turned out like I hope, then instead of having one person who doesn't deserve the happiness he has because he doesn't appreciate it, we have FOUR!, yes that's right, FOUR! people who deserve happiness because they appreciate it and don't take friends and family for granted!

Yes, it's a wrong thing to do, and is so right. (for me, ha ha)



Sassy said...

Hey I'm all for it!

Just doooo it already!

And let me know how it goes?

fineartist said...

Haaaaaaaah! Oh man you crack my stuff up. Totally.

THEY say size doesn't matter...I wanna know just who the hell THEY are? I'd venture to guess that they are the ones with small ones. Oh yeah.

love you, miss you, and sassy too!

Jess said...

Go for it!! Sacrifice one to save a bundle!