Catching Up On Pictures

This is Matthew on his graduation day. He was really excited about wearing his clip on tie.

This is him being presented with the "Most Friendly" certificate by his teacher, Mrs. Elsey.

Matthew and Mrs. Elsey. She's really a great teacher and this was her first year! She said she decided to go back to college and become a teacher because of the problems her own son had had in school. I'm so happy she did, too, because this was a hard first school year for me and she really helped both Matthew and I out, a lot.

Ivy's first birthday was May 2. Not a great big party, but hey, she's one! She was a doll, though, and loved opening her presents and played with every one of them. Interesting to note that the woman holding her in most of the pictures is Kevin's mom and Ivy actually let her hold her. Usually she just cries whenever Ann's around, ha ha ha ha. That's because she's only seen her a handful of times, but notice how if you weren't there and just had the pictures to go by, it would seem as if Ann is well loved by everyone and a big part of our family. Not true! (in my mind, anyway)

Then just some random pics.

Love you all!

I Am So Very, VERY Wrong

I am having bad thoughts. Thinking naughty things. Selfish things. Completely morally corrupt things.

Maybe not completely morally corrupt, but close enough.

I am thinking of doing something I've never done before. Something so bad, it makes me cringe inside. Just thinking about it makes me feel incredibly guilty and hypocritical. But then I think, fuck it! I'm going to do it anyway!

I could be building this up in my head to be a bigger thing than what it really is. I have bigger thing building issues. Maybe it's not that bad at all.

Maybe it's completely innocent!

And I'm completely innocent! Everything I say and do comes from love and smells like roses!

So what if I happen to introduce two people at a little get-together, hoping they might hit it off?

So what if one of them happens to be my very bestest friend in the whole wide world who moved away to Texas a year and a half ago leaving me alone and bereft in the world and if she met Kevin's hot friend with the big penis might move back to Arkansas while her current man with the small penis who doesn't appreciate her stays behind in Texas and we could all be one big happy family up here frolicking through the woods singing songs and holding hands?

Is that so wrong?

I shouldn't look at it as though I'm breaking up one relationship, but rather helping another.

My own. Because if I don't get some friends in my life, and soon, I'm going to have to kill Kevin and then where will our relationship be? Hmmm? See my point? Murdering your spouse doesn't usually bode well for the future of your marriage, now does it?

But if my wonderful, awesome, sweet and funny friend met someone and moved back here and she was happy, and Kevin's friend was happy, then I'd be happy, and thus Kevin would be happy because he doesn't get annihilated.

Sounds good right?

The only person not happy in that scenario is my friend's current short-dick man, but really, I mean REALLY, how long is a woman supposed to go on in life putting aside her own happiness in order to stay loyal to a man who puts forth no effort into their relationship? Doesn't even try.

I feel bad for the guy, but come on already! By my figuring, if things turned out like I hope, then instead of having one person who doesn't deserve the happiness he has because he doesn't appreciate it, we have FOUR!, yes that's right, FOUR! people who deserve happiness because they appreciate it and don't take friends and family for granted!

Yes, it's a wrong thing to do, and yet...it is so right. (for me, ha ha)

Yippee!!

Daydreams

So this morning I was outside smoking a cigarette (yes, I'm still a dirty smoker. I don't want to be but that's the state of the union right now) and I sort of spaced off, as I usually do.

I thought about how nice it would be if, sometime this spring or summer, the man and the kids and I went downtown in Eureka and did some shopping and sightseeing.

And wouldn't it be nice if I ran into my very favorite actor (who after all of these years still holds the number one position on my Celebrity Fuck List), Josh Holloway, who just so happened to be in town vacationing as he's on hiatus from filming LOST?

Oh, yes...that would be nice.

I would tell him how much I love him- I mean, how much I love his work. My heart would pound and my cheeks would flush. Kevin would embarrass me by saying something stupid and Josh would feel this overall sense of uneasiness whilst trying to remain polite.

Yes...very nice.

And then later on that day, maybe I'd ditch Kevin and the kids (maybe?) and hit a bar and run into Josh again. Maybe slip a little something into his drink to loosen him up. Or, knock him out, whichever comes first.

Then maybe I would drag him to my car and start heading to a local hotel where I've already booked a room under an assumed name.

Don't worry. I'd be nice to him. Make sure he was returned clean AND without a clear memory of what transpired the day before.

It's good to have dreams. Things to aspire to.

It May Be Stupid, But Who Cares?

I've gotta say that I'm sorry I'm such a shitty blogger. I think the reason for that is that my blog is a reflection of me as a person. Not that I'm a shitty person. But sometimes I'm a shitty person.

It's not all my fault. I've a few strikes against me. I'm ultra-lonely, and much too sensitive. I lose perspective. I seem to require near catastrophe to shock me out of my own head.

I'm a shitty blogger. Facebook was even worse. You should of seen me try. It was hilarious.

Sorry about that, Sarah.


Lately, I've been keeping my head above water. It's taking some will power, but it's being accomplished.

If Spring would just hurry up and get here...it would be better. Somehow.

I continue to stalk blogs when I get a chance. I want you to know that I'm following along, even if I've not left comments. (Sam.) And thank you for sticking with me through my awkwardness. I'm trying to rectify the situation.

Right at this moment, though, at this moment I'm fighting the urge to delete this post because I suspect that it's "stupid".

But I wonder if I will?

Just Because I'm Losing Doesn't Mean I'm Lost

Been feeling that old familiar pain.
Time to redo the blog.
Time to start over.
Again.

Lots of thoughts, swirls, clouds.

Coagulating, formulating, breaking apart and coming together once more.

Like fractal art, but for right

NOW

I'm just here to get my feet wet.

Pretty Pumpkin Pie

Ivy had her first ride in the dirty Wal Mart shopping cart.

We had good times, my pumpkin and I.

Some Halloween Fun

Yeah, we had some Halloween fun up in h'yere. We actually did some things together as a family instead of letting the playstation rot Matthew's brain while we toss the baby in the swing and run away outside as fast as our little legs can carry us to smoke a cigarette and pretend like we don't hate our lives. :)

And since that doesn't happen so very often anymore, I took some pictures to remember it by. You don't see my cluttered kitchen counter, either!

Matthew was the "Hulk Guy" for Halloween this year, which was great because the costume was CHEAP!

We made little ghosties to hang from the trees outside.

Kevin, taking all the glory of being master pumpkin carver. He made me get out all the yucky stuff inside though, wasn't that nice?

My little beauty! She is such a good baby, I hardly deserve her.

Mr. Meowkins.

My ghoulish cupcake graveyard!

Oooh, we're sooo spooky and yet, so very very delicious!

Ol' Ichibod Crane stopped by. Without calling first. How rude.

Mr. Meowkins again. He's a camera hog.

So that was some of our Halloween fun. We're looking forward to going to Wichita for Thanksgiving this year and meeting our new niece who is six weeks older than Ivy. Yay.

Ok, that's it. I love y'all! I post more soon!

:)

Things are dandy here of late. A little crazy but I figured out that I'm fine with that.

A little crazy is a good thing for me.

Not in the sense that I need chaos in my life to function in life. No, I don't desire chaos. But it seems like when things are going good for me, too good, I get nervous. Makes me wonder what's around the bend.

When things are just a little bit stressful, though, a little crazy, (just a little a bit!) it's like I have something tangible to deal with. Something real, something right now and not around the bend.

Feels like it makes me stronger.

The other day I decided that I needed a new attitude. An attitude adjustment, if you will. Basically, I'm just trying to be nicer and not get so angry about things. It's hard work but I'm hanging in there.

The only other things I'd like to mention today are that I'm very excited about the election and that on The View this morning Elizabeth Hassleback had a fetus growing on her chin.

Really.