I Hate All The Baby Deers In The Whole World!

Stupid, stupid baby Bambi deer!

I saw him there, too, that little fucker, he was on the left side of that steep-ass road, right where you have to start gunning your itty-bitty four cylinder if you even hope to make it up that hill, and he charged headlong into my front left bumper, flew up on the hood of the car and flew off again, just barely missing hitting the windshield, and ran his wobbly ass into the woods!

Damn, stupid baby deer! Who the hell does he think he is, trying to cross the road when there are cars coming? Looking all cute with his spots, trying to make me feel guilty when it's not my fault!

It's not my fault that civilization exists, and that I'm part of it. It's not my fault human beings have encroached on his habitat! Fuck that deer. I hate deer. They think they got it so-fucking-bad? I've got it bad! And you don't see me running headlong into traffic trying to fuck up somebody else's life!

I'm glad the hunter shot Bambi's mom! Yeah, that's right, I'm glad. Oh, it's true, I cried and cried my eyes out when I was a little girl and I saw that movie for the first time. I felt so sorry for Bambi because his mommy died! But them days are over! Growing up and having two wrecked cars in one year because of fucking Bambis put a stop to that!

Fuck you baby Bambi! You're not the only one with a dead mommy! Quit trying to kill yourself and somebody else by running out in front of cars!

You see, it really makes me angry.

I don't like all the deer around here. It makes me want to take up hunting, and the only living thing I've ever killed are plants and bugs, and who gives a shit about plants and bugs anyway, they don't have souls and they're not cute or lovable so you can kill all of those that you want to, and god won't get mad and send you to hell for all eternity for being a grudge holding bitch.