Spring Maze Escape

Spring has sprung. It's a cool morning and the tears are hot on my face. 

I'm at a crossroads. 

Again. 

Life doesn't seem so much like a journey along a winding path as it does a maze. Towering walls I can't see through, can't climb over. 

I guess that makes me a rat. Except I'm not as smart as a rat.

I don't know which direction to head in. I don't know how close I am to solving the maze, if at all. The exit could be around the next corner but I wouldn't know.

I'm tired. Bone weary of it all.

So I'll just sit here, not knowing where to go next. Tired and not knowing if I have the strength to move forward even if I did know where to go.

It's lonely here. I'm sleepy. I just want to rest.

I want to close my eyes while the maze walls dissolve around me, leaving me to float among the stars, unbound. 

Untethered.

Lost, perhaps, but free of those walls, at least.

Refuge in escape.

It's the last hope I have, driven by despair from the whole of my being. All of my failures and my successes. All of my ignorance and all my knowledge, too.

It's all I have left to hope for right now, at this moment in time, at yet another crossroads in the maze.

Letting Go

Tonight I gave it to the full Virgo moon.

I lit my candles and called my corners.

I set my intentions.

I burned you away.

I let you go.

Again. This Time, With Feeling!

I would rather feel than not feel. 

I would rather know

Every.

Single. 

Pain.

There is. Everything under the sun and moon and stars.

Every hurt, every sorrow, every fear, every anger that exists, than to feel nothing at all.

Every soul crushing moment in life.

But also,

Every joy, every love, every triumph, every good thing to be found in this world, in us.

Every heavenly ascension in our soul's journey.

I would rather feel it all than nothing. Some people are happy with nothing.

Not me, though. I understand that I have to experience the bad with the good, to be a more fully formed human being. That I have to embrace pain and not only seek what's pleasurable. I appreciate the universal dynamic of good vs evil, light vs dark, yin vs yang. 

Because it's all inside me. It resides there, waiting for me to learn from it, grow from it, integrate it.

We cannot stand in the sun without manifesting our own shadow. 

Both are worthy of our attention. Necessary in our path towards becoming real boys and girls.

I would rather feel it all than to be an empty, smiling thing that feels nothing.

It's my gift. My strength. 

I wish it could be everyone's.