Grace and Mercy

When someone hurts us, people say that we need to forgive and forget. 

Some people say we should forgive but never forget.

Some people neither forgive nor forget.

Depending on the circumstances, the nature and seriousness of the transgression, any possible mitigating factors involving the transgressor and how I feel in general about the situation, I usually end up going with one of the first two options regarding forgiving and forgetting.

The third option of never forgiving and never forgetting seems like a sure way to stay stuck in a negative space. It wouldn't serve you well in any way. You would only continue to hurt.

But when someone does something that is particularly egregious, heinous... I think there is another viable option- forgetting but not forgiving.

Forgetting not just the injury, but forgetting the person who caused it, as well, and all of the associated pain of it. Leaving it all in the past so that you can move past the hurt, and begin to heal.

Some people would say that you can't heal without forgiveness. I don't think that's true. Forgiveness isn't necessary. And it's not something that be conjured out of thin air.

I can forget the pain. I can forget the person. But I will never forgive them for what they did.

And I shouldn't have to. I'm not God. It's not my job. Grace is not mine to give.

It's not about holding on to anger. That's been forgotten. It's simply what is.

I will forget you but I will never forgive you.

Forgiveness isn't required for me to move on with my life and to experience love and happiness again.

It's not a punishment, either, the not forgiving.

It just is what it is. 

Immutable. 

Unchanging.